Float like a butterfly, but don't sting like a bee! (Fighting the Good Fight)

I am a semi hoarder. I like to hold onto objects from different seasons of my life like souvenirs. School work, concert tickets, plane tickets - and as I can't always find an appropriate place to put them I end up creating a tidy mess. After some time I realise that this is too much so I end up throwing everything away without even a second thought.

I sometimes do this with my feelings too. I can hold onto past hurts and offenses and not say a thing, creating a tidy mess in my head... Then it gets too much... Well let's just say theres no longer a tidy mess.

In my marriage I have found that in order to make good

progress, communication is key. Communicating my feelings in the right way instead of hoarding them keep us on the same page and working together as a team. I remember someone referencing 'we are to fight the good fight of faith' in discussing conflicts. It was mentioned that there are good fights and bad fights. Conflict is always going to arise in marriage and it's important how we handle them. So I've written 3 steps that have helped me and I hope they help you:

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak and don't be offended so easily. At times things can be done or said and we are quick to get upset and frustrated. Then when we look back we see that our partner never had ill intentions and that we perceived things wrong. Or if we don't jump to conclusions and discuss things, we'll reach a better place of understanding. James 1:19 says that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. This says to me that I need to think before I speak, don't be easily offended and be understanding.

2. Say what you mean and mean what you say - remember Justin Bieber's song 'What do you mean?' My husband actually said to me that he sympathises with Justin because so many times in conversation my body language contradicts what I'm saying. I have a bad habit of saying I'm fine when I'm not. Like I said earlier, in order to work things through, you have to work things through- which leads us into point 3.

3. Speak the truth in love - when it is time to talk about things, say all you have to say truthfully, but make sure it's done in love. If I maintain the perspective that we're a team regardless of the situation and aim for us to still be a team by the end of the conversation, I need to make sure my words contain love. We can often state facts in a conversation and mix it with emotion saying things we don't mean. Our partner won't always separate the emotion and the fact which will have a detrimental effect on the conflict. 

These are just 3 short points and there are probably many more. These are not perfected points! The marriage journey is one of growth and development, so remember to smile in the sun and dance in the rain of marriage because the journey gets better with every step!