Out of control

‘For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind’. Some translations read self-control instead of a sound mind. Reading this today, I saw something I had never seen before. Where fear is in charge, there is no self control.

I have a HUGE fear of dogs. Anybody who knows me knows that me + dogs = fear. When I would walk home from secondary school, I would walk the long way home to avoid dog walkers. I remember once, when walking to the bus stop with friends, I ran into the middle of a road when I saw a dog. No self-control!

In the midst of fear all logical thinking goes out of the window. Your decision making is not at its best and conclusions are made in haste. Fear is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, we will experience the emotion of fear. But what do we do with that emotion? Does it lead us, or do we lead it? Knowing that fear has an impact on my thinking and my control has made me think twice about the decisions I have made and will make. Am I in control or is fear in control? Many times when we make decisions, we feel to a certain degree we are not in control. This has helped me to see that the absence of control means there is a presence of fear. For example, if I make a decision because I am afraid of people’s opinions - who is in control? Although I made the decision, I am not in control. Or if go to an event because I’m afraid that if I don’t I will offend someone- I made the decision to give fear control.

I’m currently reading a life-transforming book called the ‘7 habits of highly effective people’ (7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The: 25th Anniversary Edition by Stephen R. Covey (2015-08-25)) and in there Stephen Covey points out the importance of the choices we make. Do we have to do something or do we choose to? Many of us make decisions because we feel we have to and not out of choice. I may still choose to go to an event but I have to examine my reasons for going. In choosing, I am gaining back self-control. It’s a case of- if you had the choice, what would you choose?

This means we have to be more intentional with our decision making. I am not often examining my motives and then I soon find that it was actually fear I had joined for the ride. When we recognise how we are making decisions we can exercise better self-control.