Why I am letting go of my husband

I have been married for 2 and half years now, and to some this may not seem like a long time, but 2 and a half years has gone by really quickly. During the first few months, I would always say to myself that I am going to write a book about marriage. Everything that I had known or thought I knew was challenged at every angle. My biggest challenge, was my understanding of myself. I perceived myself as quite independent, patient and easy-going but marriage challenged all of those characteristics!

After the wedding, we spent a week abroad and then as it was the summer holidays, we got to spend a few weeks together. So when we got back to reality, I found it hard to adjust. I went from being independent to used to being dependent upon someone else to do life. I had got so used to depending on him, I forgot about the things I had going on in my own life. 

For the past couple of years, I have had to learn about what independence looks like in marriage - how it is important to invest yourself as well as your relationship. When two people come together to form a relationship, it is important that they are both bringing something to the relationship. For example, if I don't love myself, how can I bring love into the relationship? Instead I will be depending on my partner for love which will then result in an unhealthy relationship. 

I know I have cited this book before, but the  7 Habits of Highly Effective People has really given me a better understanding of this. In it, Stephen Covey mentions the importance of interdependence and that it is when 'people combine their own efforts with the effects of others to achieve their great successes.' In the book, he later poses the question, 'How can you give what you don't possess?' I realised that as I had stopped investing in myself, I had stopped bringing to the relationship and had started to depend on my husband a lot more. 

When we enter into any relationship, we have to ensure that we are bringing our own efforts to it. I am not necessarily letting go of my husband, but I am making sure that I am investing in myself as well as our relationship. I am making sure that I am more independent, as Covey stated, 'Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.'

Proverbs 31 outlines what a virtuous woman is. It mentions characteristics such as comforting and encouraging others, expanding businesses, gives to those in need and speaks wisdom. At the end of the chapter we learn that this woman is married and has children but at no point does it say that she depends on her family. In fact, I imagine that this independent woman has been able to create and promote
interdependent

relationships within her family. This chapter found near the middle of the Bible, was written during a time of gender bias - When women were widely seen as less than and depended on society to survive. In the middle of all of this, we learn of a woman who didn't need or require others to survive but thrived in her independence.


So the question is how are you investing in yourself? What can you bring to your relationships? Are you independent?