No Spectators Beyond This Point

We can choose to be apart of or apart from.

Imagine preparing to skydive and everyone has gathered in the air field. Some are also readying themselves for the leap whilst others are there just to watch. Those going for the jump are brought past a barrier that reads ‘No spectators beyond this point’. I liken this to life. 

There are some of us who are preparing for the jumps we want to make and are starting businesses, writing music, building families, publishing books and many more! However there are some of us standing on the stand lines who hold these dreams or plans but are not yet preparing for the jump. We have to choose to cross the barrier taking us from spectator to participant.

Often times we are prevented from crossing the barrier by a number obstacles:

FEAR

False Evidence Appearing Real - how we

perceive a thing is how we will treat it. For a long time I feared that I wouldn’t be able to own my own property. Fear prevented me from taking the leap and even when I did, a lot of the journey was spent being fearful that it would never happen. I’m glad, however, that I stopped being a spectator and took the leap. We need to change our fear into Face Everything and Rise.

INSECURITIES

We can often think we’re not good enough to pursue certain dreams or that we don’t have what it takes. I had always loved writing and played with the idea of writing a book but never thought I had what it took. I soon found myself challenging that thought and decided that if a book is what I want to write but I feel I lack the ability, how about I go to writing classes? Soon, I found I had more confidence to begin to turn words into sentences and paragraphs into pages.

RESOURCES

People, time, money etc could be what you need to pursue your dream so what do you do when these resources are not available to you? Plan, plan and plan. The plans must consist of strategies - actions regarding on how you will solve the problem. Do you need to spend less time bingeing Netflix? Do you need to set aside funds each month? Do you need to start networking? Crossing over the barrier is going to require action. 

 Note that going from spectator to participant doesn’t mean that one day you will be watching from the barriers and the next day jumping from the plane. Deciding to leave the role of spectator is the first step and preparation is the next. This could mean setting aside a certain amount each for the property you want to buy or the adventure you want to go on. It could mean researching how to start your business or completing courses to follow your chosen career. It could mean dating again after a failed relationship. 

Consider what you need to do to no longer be a spectator in your own life. 

Without a Vision

 What a year it has been! How many of us started the year off with a list of resolutions we were determined to see through? Travelling to 5 different countries...completing a course...going to the gym...

The more 2020 began to unfold, the more many of us had to either adjust or remove items from our calendar. There were memes and videos of people throwing their calendars away come the middle of the year, as it seemed to not make sense anymore to try and stick to the plan.

This year has definitely come with challenges that we didn't see foresee in 2019. We've lost loved ones and businesses, we've had to postpone weddings and family holidays and have had to adapt to a whole new way of living. 

I know I came to a point where I started question the importance of planning when life was becoming more and more unpredictable. Literally, throw caution to the wind and take each day as it comes. Not bad things to do, however, it's important we don't lose sight of our goals and the achievements we are working towards.

After the type of year it has been, it can be so easy to feel as if there is no point - we are in no control of what is going to happen next. However, we have to still hold onto our goals, our vision, what we are hoping to achieve. 

One thing I have learned over the past couple of years (life seems to have been teaching me before the pandemic) is that things won't always go as planned. This doesn't mean that we will stop making goals just that we may have to make some amendments. I can't go to the gym everyday, but I can exercise at home or go for walks. I can't travel abroad, but I can travel to somewhere new in the country. We need to continue to plan and set goals to help us in looking ahead and not stay stagnant. 

We need to ensure that we hold onto and keep in front of us the vision and remind us that despite our inability what is going to happen next, we can still continue to work towards being better versions of ourselves. 

As we approach 2021, I encourage you to make goals allowing you to keep focused on your vision and continue to unlock your potential. 

Our deepest fear

I remember when I first heard this poem. I was sitting watching a movie some of you may have heard of called 'Coach Carter'. In the film, a coach is determined to develop the character and education of the team as well as their basketball skills and faces opposition from the players and the parents. Just when you lose all hope for one of the characters, he turns around and recites this poem, 'Our deepest fear'. Since then this poem has been a sort of national anthem or a 'self anthem'. 

This poem is a good reminder for me - of what achievements can be made if I don't shrink back. We can instinctively place a ceiling on ourselves and tell ourselves that we can't achieve what we have set to accomplish. Hey, if you have never swam in the ocean the fear of what is out there can easily consume you. The unknown is many people's worst nightmare. 

I love the line that reads 'Your playing small does not serve the world.' For the longest time, I have always wanted to be hidden afraid of what light I may possess. We all want to be earning millions, but can we handle the responsibility of it? So I laid low - often doing the bare minimum - concealing whatever was in me. But as I re-read this poem I realise not only do I do myself an injustice, but others around me. When we step out of our comfort zone and allow what is in us to shine through, we give that same freedom to others.

Why I am letting go of my husband

I have been married for 2 and half years now, and to some this may not seem like a long time, but 2 and a half years has gone by really quickly. During the first few months, I would always say to myself that I am going to write a book about marriage. Everything that I had known or thought I knew was challenged at every angle. My biggest challenge, was my understanding of myself. I perceived myself as quite independent, patient and easy-going but marriage challenged all of those characteristics!

After the wedding, we spent a week abroad and then as it was the summer holidays, we got to spend a few weeks together. So when we got back to reality, I found it hard to adjust. I went from being independent to used to being dependent upon someone else to do life. I had got so used to depending on him, I forgot about the things I had going on in my own life. 

For the past couple of years, I have had to learn about what independence looks like in marriage - how it is important to invest yourself as well as your relationship. When two people come together to form a relationship, it is important that they are both bringing something to the relationship. For example, if I don't love myself, how can I bring love into the relationship? Instead I will be depending on my partner for love which will then result in an unhealthy relationship. 

I know I have cited this book before, but the  7 Habits of Highly Effective People has really given me a better understanding of this. In it, Stephen Covey mentions the importance of interdependence and that it is when 'people combine their own efforts with the effects of others to achieve their great successes.' In the book, he later poses the question, 'How can you give what you don't possess?' I realised that as I had stopped investing in myself, I had stopped bringing to the relationship and had started to depend on my husband a lot more. 

When we enter into any relationship, we have to ensure that we are bringing our own efforts to it. I am not necessarily letting go of my husband, but I am making sure that I am investing in myself as well as our relationship. I am making sure that I am more independent, as Covey stated, 'Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.'

Proverbs 31 outlines what a virtuous woman is. It mentions characteristics such as comforting and encouraging others, expanding businesses, gives to those in need and speaks wisdom. At the end of the chapter we learn that this woman is married and has children but at no point does it say that she depends on her family. In fact, I imagine that this independent woman has been able to create and promote
interdependent

relationships within her family. This chapter found near the middle of the Bible, was written during a time of gender bias - When women were widely seen as less than and depended on society to survive. In the middle of all of this, we learn of a woman who didn't need or require others to survive but thrived in her independence.


So the question is how are you investing in yourself? What can you bring to your relationships? Are you independent?

From end to beginning

I hate endings. I mean some things that ended, I was ecstatic about. Like when I got to the end of my degree and when I got to the end of my car payments - I couldn't have been happier! (Well, I could have, but you get my gist). But some endings always feel awkward for me. Like when you leave a job - I always find goodbyes difficult. Or the end of a holiday - I'm guessing nobody loves the end of a holiday. Some endings are easier than others. But regardless of the type of ending we face and whether or not it was unexpected, the ending of something signifies the beginning of something.

This is true with all things. The end of Winter signifies the beginning of Spring. The end of primary school signifies the beginning of secondary school. When one door closes, another one opens. This blog is more about the endings we don't like or even didn't see coming. It's easy for us to get caught up in the ending of a thing and not see the opportunity it brings. 

Lao Tzu describes this well with the quote, 'New

beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.'

When I started uni, I had all of these hopes and dreams. I was going to study Psychology and become a Psychologist. Before this point, I had already experienced painful endings. One being not being able to attend the universities I had chosen. Devastated, but not crushed, I proceeded to study the subject of my dreams in a different location - embracing the new beginning that had been thrown my way. At the end of university, I had achieved the grade I needed and looked into starting my career as a Psychologist through further education. However I couldn't start the course of my choice because of lack of experience. Once again, I was devastated. I felt like that was the end. What was I going to do? 


This is why think the end of something indicates the beginning of something. If it isn't a natural transition that takes us to our new beginning, it is our abrupt endings that will propel. These endings challenge us and force us to think about our next step and if we choose well, our beginnings will take us to somewhere we had never imagined. How many stories have you heard about people who's job ends suddenly, but then they start something great? If you are looking around you now all you see are endings, look forward to the beginnings.

Live big

For the past few years, I have danced around different exercise regimes, trying to keep fit. I have been able to establish good workout routines only to find myself become a couch potato again. For some of us, exercising can be the bane of our lives for others of us, it is the highlight of our day. What causes the difference?

A few years ago when I tried to establish a home workout routine, I purchased a 8kg kettlebell. I have been using this kettlebell for years and not thinking anything of it. I would hear about people lifting 10 or 20 kg and wonder how that was even possible. Then a few weeks ago, I went to the gym (my workout routine has changed again!) and found that my usual weights had disappeared. The next available weight was 16kg so I thought I would have a try. Can't say it was easy completing kettle bell swings with those but it was possible. Looking back, when I was using the 8kg kettle bell, I was using it with ease. There was no challenge and this was probably why my routines have not been consistent. If we are not challenged, we get bored, we plateau and grow stagnant. 

We have to be intentional about

identifying how we can develop ourselves further. Whether it be physically, mentally or spiritually, we need to be making sure that we are investing in our growth and development. If not, we will soon find ourselves bored with life, picking up and putting down things we enjoy because we are not challenging ourselves.

In his book,  7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey outlines the importance of being proactive. He points out that proactive people work on the things that they have control over. If we have control over something, we need to take responsibility for it. 

What's important about the challenges that we give ourselves, is that we put plans in place to achieve them. Imagine me one day lifting 8kg and the next day attempting to lift 50kg. 50kg! It's not bad to have that level of a challenge, but I would need to put plans in place to achieve lifting 50kg. We can live big by being intentional about the challenges that we embrace. Not only will we grow, but our lives become bigger in the process. Challenge yourself and live big.

Out of control

‘For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind’. Some translations read self-control instead of a sound mind. Reading this today, I saw something I had never seen before. Where fear is in charge, there is no self control.

I have a HUGE fear of dogs. Anybody who knows me knows that me + dogs = fear. When I would walk home from secondary school, I would walk the long way home to avoid dog walkers. I remember once, when walking to the bus stop with friends, I ran into the middle of a road when I saw a dog. No self-control!

In the midst of fear all logical thinking goes out of the window. Your decision making is not at its best and conclusions are made in haste. Fear is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, we will experience the emotion of fear. But what do we do with that emotion? Does it lead us, or do we lead it? Knowing that fear has an impact on my thinking and my control has made me think twice about the decisions I have made and will make. Am I in control or is fear in control? Many times when we make decisions, we feel to a certain degree we are not in control. This has helped me to see that the absence of control means there is a presence of fear. For example, if I make a decision because I am afraid of people’s opinions - who is in control? Although I made the decision, I am not in control. Or if go to an event because I’m afraid that if I don’t I will offend someone- I made the decision to give fear control.

I’m currently reading a life-transforming book called the ‘7 habits of highly effective people’ (7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The: 25th Anniversary Edition by Stephen R. Covey (2015-08-25)) and in there Stephen Covey points out the importance of the choices we make. Do we have to do something or do we choose to? Many of us make decisions because we feel we have to and not out of choice. I may still choose to go to an event but I have to examine my reasons for going. In choosing, I am gaining back self-control. It’s a case of- if you had the choice, what would you choose?

This means we have to be more intentional with our decision making. I am not often examining my motives and then I soon find that it was actually fear I had joined for the ride. When we recognise how we are making decisions we can exercise better self-control.