Float like a butterfly, but don't sting like a bee! (Fighting the Good Fight)

I am a semi hoarder. I like to hold onto objects from different seasons of my life like souvenirs. School work, concert tickets, plane tickets - and as I can't always find an appropriate place to put them I end up creating a tidy mess. After some time I realise that this is too much so I end up throwing everything away without even a second thought.

I sometimes do this with my feelings too. I can hold onto past hurts and offenses and not say a thing, creating a tidy mess in my head... Then it gets too much... Well let's just say theres no longer a tidy mess.

In my marriage I have found that in order to make good

progress, communication is key. Communicating my feelings in the right way instead of hoarding them keep us on the same page and working together as a team. I remember someone referencing 'we are to fight the good fight of faith' in discussing conflicts. It was mentioned that there are good fights and bad fights. Conflict is always going to arise in marriage and it's important how we handle them. So I've written 3 steps that have helped me and I hope they help you:

1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak and don't be offended so easily. At times things can be done or said and we are quick to get upset and frustrated. Then when we look back we see that our partner never had ill intentions and that we perceived things wrong. Or if we don't jump to conclusions and discuss things, we'll reach a better place of understanding. James 1:19 says that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. This says to me that I need to think before I speak, don't be easily offended and be understanding.

2. Say what you mean and mean what you say - remember Justin Bieber's song 'What do you mean?' My husband actually said to me that he sympathises with Justin because so many times in conversation my body language contradicts what I'm saying. I have a bad habit of saying I'm fine when I'm not. Like I said earlier, in order to work things through, you have to work things through- which leads us into point 3.

3. Speak the truth in love - when it is time to talk about things, say all you have to say truthfully, but make sure it's done in love. If I maintain the perspective that we're a team regardless of the situation and aim for us to still be a team by the end of the conversation, I need to make sure my words contain love. We can often state facts in a conversation and mix it with emotion saying things we don't mean. Our partner won't always separate the emotion and the fact which will have a detrimental effect on the conflict. 

These are just 3 short points and there are probably many more. These are not perfected points! The marriage journey is one of growth and development, so remember to smile in the sun and dance in the rain of marriage because the journey gets better with every step!

When I grow up...

I'm 28! This time 10 years ago, I was 18 getting ready to move out from my family home to go to university. The world was my oyster! I was part of the 'next generation' - shapeable and ready to learn to have an impact on this world that was promised to me. Ready to pursue 'what I wanted to do when I was older'.

Now I'm defined as being 2 years from 30. The world is no longer my oyster - in fact it is making demands of me! Now you should be married! Now you should have children! Now you should be living in a 4 bedroom house with room for 2 cars on the drive. If I contemplate studying again, the response is I'm too old or I should be thinking about settling down. But when did I become unshapeable (not a word I think) and not ready to learn to have an impact on this world! 

I am now inspired by those who are older than me and decide to go back to studying. Those who decide that they have more to offer this world and decide to learn more to do this! No matter what age we are at, it's never too late to do something different. Life is to be experienced and enjoyed, so don't let age or circumstance hold you back. We can always learn, we can always change the world! 

Eat Sleep Participate Repeat

Watching the Olympics with my sister, I was trying to explain to her how watching the 100m races inspires me to run. When I watch others do something, I want to participate too. I'd rather be involved than spectate. After watching Step Up, I wanted to dance, after watching DreamGirls, I wanted to sing (I think that's normal- I know everyone was trying to reach for those notes with Jennifer Hudson), and after watching the Fast and Furious, I wanted to race. I'd rather participate than spectate.

This thought challenged me after reflecting on that scripture greater things we will do (John 14:12). After reading about the miracles of Christ, am I inspired like I am with the other things I see? Not that I should be going round turning water into wine, but am I inspired to be as compassionate as Christ? Am I inspired to be as loving as Christ? Am I inspired to be as truthful as Christ? 

And it doesn't just stop there. There are many other inspirational people in the Bible. Am I inspired to be as courageous as Esther? Am I inspired to be as trusting as Abraham? Am I inspired to be as hopeful as Joshua? Am I inspired to change my world as these guys did?

It's so easy to read the Bible and see many events as happening thousands of years ago and leaving them there. But the fact is that these should empower and inspire us to know that greater things will we do with Christ. Inspiration must lead to participation.

Three things I wish I knew or did before I got married

Married for 1 year and 1 month and looking forward to the many years ahead!! But to know where you're going, you've got to know where you're coming from, right? Sometimes it's good to look back to see what you've learnt and even what you need to learn! These are three things I wish I knew before I got married...

Pre-warning, this might get deep so this is not for the faint hearted!!

1. I wish I loved myself more (let's start at the deep end shall we?) I wish I knew more about myself and had spent my single life exploring who I am. In marriage, so many flaws in you are exposed and there's no where to hide them 😳. If I knew I was so selfish, I could have dealt with that. If I knew I was so guarded, I could have dealt with that. To be fair these are shoulda, woulda, couldas, however a lot of these I think stem from being insecure. If I loved myself more, that could have been eradicated. One of the wisest quotes I know 'Love your neighbour as you love yourself'. The more (and better) I love myself, the more (and better) I can love my husband. 

2. I wish I knew that men were from mars and women were from venus. Okay I don't believe this to be actually true, you can put down the pitch forks. But we do definitely communicate differently. I don't know why I didn't notice this during the dating stage, but I know now. Misunderstandings have easily happened because we misinterpreted what we've communicated to each other. The earlier I had known, the better we could have communicated in those early stages. 

3. I wish I was a little bit taller🎧 I'm kidding but I love the song! But I do wish that I knew that I would never understand everything. This kind of links with number 2. Because so much can be lost in translation, a lot can be either be misunderstood or not understood at all!! And that's okay! In not understanding things we can often get frustrated, but look how long it took humanity to understand that the world is round. We're so used to getting information so quickly now, that there's an expectation to understand things straight away. But the complexities of people mean that we must be patient when it comes to understanding, but still continue to pursue it.

And a bonus!

4. I wish I knew that expectations aren't always going to be fulfilled and that's okay. Often we go through relationships with several expectations that we expect to be fulfilled. And when they're not... It's like someone has taken our hope and dreams and crushed them in their fist. But what about when I don't fulfill my S.O.'s expectations? It is going to happen! We do need to communicate the expectations we have, but also be understanding when they are not fulfilled. 

Love you lots, catch you later!

Confessions of a sore loser

I am very competitive. Once we were travelling with some friends in separate cars and I encouraged the driver to get back to our destination before the other car because to me it was a race. I am very competitive.

But I am also a sore loser! When I was younger we used to play frustration as a family. I remember not talking to everyone on one occassion because I lost (I was very young). As I've matured this has played itself out differently in my life. At primary school I was a good sprinter and would win at sports day. However when I got to secondary school, the competition increased and so my motivation decreased. I could have been the next Bolt!  

Recently I've been exploring theories on growth mindsets. This is something I have learnt about recently and has really challenged me. Imagine on one side of a scale you have a fixed mindset and on the other side you have a growth mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, you see where you are but don't see potential for growth. On the flip side, if you foster a growth mindset, you see potential for you to well, grow! If you see the potential to grow, you will put in steps to grow. 

Because I've been a sore loser (confession is good for the soul) in certain situations I've had a fixed mindset and given up. But I've been learning that failure provides more opportunities to succeed. Thomas Edison 'failed' thousands of times before he invented the light bulb. There are many steps to success and they may not look how we expect them to, but every step is an opportunity to grow and be better!!

Confessions of a Prisoner

Okay so I have never been to prison, but at times I feel I am a prisoner of a different sort. A prisoner of insecurities. I allow my emotions to trap, guard and lead me.

If you are a prisoner you are concerned about you. Being locked away from the outside world you are concerned about your next meal. Concerned about the next time your eyes will see daylight. Most if not all of your thoughts are on yourself. It's like when you are a prisoner of your insecurities. You are mostly concerned with yourself. Being a prisoner of insecurities means you see your lack bigger than everything else. So where the evryday prisoner may be concerned about their next meal, a prisoner of insecurity will also be anxious about self-preservation. 

But I have found that there is a difference when I live beyond myself. Taking my eyes off myself and looking to meet the needs of others, frees me from prison and from being trapped. 

We are all insecure about something and run the risk of being so consumed with our anxieties so much so that we don't see needs and opportunities in the world around us. I consciously have to choose freedom not to be anxious but identify how I can help meet the needs of others. 

If Monday had a face...

Of all the days of the week, I feel sorry for Monday. Monday gets so much flack, it's actually sad. Monday is a day like every other day, but have you noticed how we let it dictate how we approach our week.

Sunday nights I used to get anxious thinking about the approaching day. No longer able to enjoy the remnants of the weekend, I began to think about having to wake up early and getting everything ready for work. The stress!!

But then I stopped seeing Monday as a threat-"it's trying to bring me down!!" But rather an opportunity. Monday gives me a chance to invest in the world around me. Everyday can't be Friday, but everyday can be great! Dictate your Monday, don't let it dictate you!